Me and the boys needed a new competition. Fantasy league was dead, pub pool was expensive, and nobody can bowl. I booked https://enchantedforestnz.com/ in Onehunga because it was cheap, outdoors, and had 18 international-length holes. “Loser buys KFC” was the rule. We showed up in jandals expecting to hate it. We left with a spreadsheet, team names, and a trophy we made from a Coke can. This is not kids’ golf. This is real.

The course is built inside a park under mature trees, so you’re not baking in the sun. Surround sound music keeps the energy up, and the holes are designed by golfers — real slopes, real breaks, real bragging rights. With 400 free car parks we all drove separate and nobody complained. Under-5s are $5, spectators free, so the place is full of families and chill, not try-hards. By hole 6 we were doing play-by-plays. By hole 10 we were taking it personally. This is what sport should feel like before it got serious.

Hole 13 is “The Cage” and it runs our league now. You smash the ball at a target to ring a bell and take a stroke off. First week, nobody hit it. Week two, my mate Tom got it and didn’t shut up for days. Week three, I was three down, last shot, all on the bell. I hit. Ding. The boys went feral. A dad filming his kid gave me a nod. That bell is the most satisfying sound in Auckland. We’ve got rules now: ring it once, you get a point. Ring it twice in a round, you’re “Cage King” for the week.

We finish every round at the BBQ area with pies from the bakery next door. We update the spreadsheet, talk trash, and plan the next round. It’s $5 pizzas, zero admin, and better than any group chat. If your mates need a new battle, start here. Weather dependent, so call 09 636 9911 before you send the invite. But if it’s on, go. Eighteen holes, one Cage, infinite beef. Ring the bell and take the crown.